Why Do People Ask for the Agenda?

Why do people call their spouse as they are traveling home from work and ask them what their agenda is for the evening?  Or ask their spouse (who happens to be a teacher) what their agenda is every morning during the summer?  Let me tell you once and for all... the agenda is the "NO AGENDA" Agenda.  Got it?  Some of us live our entire professional lives by agendas.  Do you think we want or need an agenda every evening?  What's YOUR agenda?  Do you really need to have someone give you an agenda every second of the day?  You need to come up with an agenda for yourself so you can stop asking me for MY agenda.  You want to know what's on my agenda?  I will tell you what's on my agenda - telling you that I don't have an agenda.  That's what's on my agenda.

Why Do People Make Their Babies Look Like Food?

Why do people dress their babies up to look like food for Halloween?  I have seen babies looking like tacos, sushi, spaghetti, sub sandwiches, you name it.  Sometimes its not even food.  I saw a baby dressed up like a marijuana leaf.  Really? Are you serious? That baby is going to be mad at their parents when they grow up and look at that picture.  Not only are they dumb costumes, but the babies look severely uncomfortable in them.  So nice that people are entertained at their baby's expense!

What's With the Public Birthday Parties?

Why do people have to celebrate birthdays in public?  Have you ever been sitting at a restaurant sharing a nice meal with your family or friends, and all of a sudden the staff breaks out in the Happy Birthday song?  You have now been forced to become part of a birthday celebration of a complete stranger.  You have to interrupt your relaxing evening in order to share in the glee of someone's birthday that you have never met.  In my opinion, if you want to celebrate your birthday, do it at a private party in a private home and invite people that can decide yes or no if they want to attend your party.  People should not be forced to be a "guest" at public birthday parties.  That's all.

Train Commuters

There are two types of Train Commuters.  One type of Train Commuter is the Independent Thinker.  He or she spends his or her time on the train reading the newspaper, drinking coffee, and working on a laptop.  The other type of Train Commuter is the Group Thinker.  He or she spends his or her time on the train talking to other Group Thinkers, trying to figure how they are going to think about issues.  The issues are usually unimportant, such as discussing their minor health problems or gossiping about other people's lives.  If something happens either on the train, in someone else's life, or even out in the Great Big World, the Group Thinkers all come up with the same deduction.  That deduction is seldom based on logical information.  When speaking with a Train Commuter Group Thinker outside of the Commuter Circle, the Group Thinker will often times begin a sentence with,"a woman on the train said..." or "some women on the train ..."  Hmmm... the Group Thinkers often times work for the Independent Thinkers.  Wonder why?

I need to fix my face.

I have been told on more than one occasion to "fix my face".  I must have one of those faces that communicates what I'm thinking.  Sometimes when people are speaking either to me or near me, I can't believe that certain things are actually coming out of their mouths.  I'm sure everyone has felt the same way, it's just that they don't actually show it in their expressions.  Maybe that's not so bad.  It certainly does save a lot of time and energy that you don't have to tell people that what they are saying is simply ridiculous.

Fuzzy Math

I understand that not everyone is good at math.  Maybe a famous writer might need an accountant because his or her forte' is writing, not numbers.  Maybe an artist isn't so hot at math.  Math is a left brained function and creativity is a right brained function.  I get it.  Creative people get business managers and accountants, or at least a mathematically inclined family member to help with their finances.  But of course I am sure that no matter how abstract and creative they are, they can at least subtract 1 from 180.  (That equals 179 right?)  So how is it possible that a CFO that is in charge of ALOT of money and who probably makes a good dollar, cannot subtract 1 from 180?  Shouldn't a CFO (business manager) have decent math skills?  Shouldn't someone in charge of MILLIONS of dollars have simple, common sense number sense?  Mind-boggling! (oh yea, and stop giving me that deer-caught-in-the-headlights-look!)

Why Do People In Charge Make Others Do Ridiculous Things?

Why do people that are in charge of a situation make decisions that make others uncomfortable? Ridiculousness may be in YOUR comfort zone, but not in others. Take seat assignments at weddings, for example. So you want to split people up that all know each other so everyone can sit by people they don't know and make new friends? This isn't kindergarten. We don't want to make new friends that we will never see again. Especially your whiskey-drinking, New York Times-reading future in-law snobs. ARE YOU SITTING BY A BUNCH OF STRANGERS? No! You are sitting by people you know so that you can watch the rest of us as we attempt conversation with people we don't know and will never see again. Weird. As a guest at a wedding, I want to sit by my friends and family. I like my family and friends. I spent time and money to come to your wedding, I gave you a nice gift, at least let me sit and eat with people that I enjoy being with. I think "I'm going to split everyone up so that they meet new people" is code for "I don't want to take the time to prepare a seating chart so I am just randomly going to put people anywhere". That's what I think. 

Why are car mechanics so possessive?

Why do car mechanics think they own your car? I went to the car dealer today to get my oil changed. I will admit, I was a little over the 3000 recommended mileage since my last oil change. I've been busy. My car gets very good care. I get my oil changed on a regular basis. So what, I was a little over this time. When the service advisor put me into the computer and saw that I was over 3000 miles, he peppered me with all kinds of questions. "Have you been going somewhere else for your oil changes?" "Why haven't we seen you lately?"  I felt like I was talking to Tony from the Seinfeld episode, "The Bottle Deposit". I started to get worried. Was he going to turn me in? Was he going to kidnap my car like Tony did to Jerry's car? So what if I had taken my car somewhere else for an oil change? I did confess that a tire company was now rotating my tires. Why should I feel guilty about that? Geez! It's not that serious!

Why Do People Join Clubs?

Why do people have to organize and join clubs to participate in activities?  I have retired friends that join book clubs, garden clubs, and other clubs.  I don't get it.  What goes on at these club meetings?  As far as I know, they have Presidents, keep minutes, the whole shebang!  For example, let's talk about the garden club.  Why do you need a garden club?  What are you doing at this garden club meeting?  Do you vote on which flowers to plant in your garden?  Why do we all have to plant the same flowers?  Are you learning about plants and flowers?  Don't we have the internet for that?  Why do you have to have a formal meeting for that?  What happens if you want to plant something and get voted down?  Can you still plant it or will you get in trouble? Do you have to have the prettiest lawn to be President or respected in the club?  What about the book clubs?  So you all read the same book and then talk about it.  How long can you talk about a book you are reading with other people that are reading the same book?  Seems like high school literature class to me.  I don't want to go back to high school lit class.  Sounds like a book report to me.  NO THANKS.  Don't get me wrong - I love to read.  I just don't want to have to report about it.  What happens if I want to read more than the assignment?  Will I get in trouble?  What happens if I don't read the assignment?  Will I get in trouble?  Should I skip the meeting?  That's too much pressure for me.  As a soon-to-be-retired teacher, I don't want to join a club where people tell me what flowers I have to plant or that I have to do book reports for.  Now, a Wine Club is something that sounds fun.  I think I could join that club.  Whenever we meet, we drink wine and pair the wine with cheese, fruit, and truffles.  That makes sense to me!

Why Do People Think They Are The Boss?

Why do people with dogs think they are the boss of their home?  Everyone knows that when you have a dog, that your dog is the boss.  Oh you may think you are the boss.  You may make up rules for your house that you expect your dog to follow, but everyone knows who the boss is.  Your dog may fake you out by pretending that he is listening or following your rules, but that' s just to get you off his back.  The minute you turn YOUR back (and eventually you will) he does what he wants.  And he probably talks about you behind your back to the other dogs.  At minimum, he's thinking to himself, "Who do you think you are?"  When you are scolding him for not following the rules, all he is thinking is "I wish you would shut up talking to me" or "Isn't it time for you to go to work or something?"  Have you ever really seriously thought about it?  You are going to work all day, FOR YEARS with no expectation of your dog ever contributing to the household at some point in their life.  You make him comfortable, feed him, exercise him, play with him, etc. while he gets to lounge around the house FOREVER!  Sounds like a pretty good gig!

Why Do People Make a Big Deal Out of Birthdays?

Why do people have to make a big deal out of celebrating their birthday? So What?  You lived another year.  Is that all you did?  Why are you so obsessed with that one day?   Is it so important that once a year your friends and family have to stand around and sing to you, eat at a restaurant that only you like, and buy you things that you don't need?  Are you so starved for attention that you have to force people to recognize your birthday?  Personally, I'm at the age where turning another year older is not cause for celebration.  Now make me a year younger every year on my birthday and I will begin to celebrate!

Why Do People Stick Out Their Tongues?

Why do grown adults stick out their tongues for pictures?  Do they know how disgusting the tongue is?  Don't get me wrong, the tongue serves many purposes.  But it's not pretty.  If you think about it, it's like a very short, very fat snake attached to the inside of your mouth.  It's best to keep it hidden inside your mouth out of sight to do it's job.  I think people think that it makes them look like they are having a wild and crazy time so when the cameras are rolling, the tongues start coming out.  Trust me, having your tongue hanging out during a picture does not enhance the picture.  Leave it in.

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Why Do People in Sales Torture People?

Why do people in the sales industry tease and torture consumers? Whether they are selling airline tickets or blush blazers, they put out a product "for sale" to get you interested, only to take it away! How can an airline sell you a ticket, give you a reservation, then change your flight to a different day because "oops, we oversold"?  Then when you become irritated because you have to cancel your trip, they act all shocked and appalled like, "What? You're angry?" Don't they realize that the reason people make reservations for specific days is because they have to be there on that day? The important part of taking the reservation is keeping the reservation. "Oh, just tell the hostess of the party you are attending to change the day of the party because we screwed up and overbooked". Idiots!!  And what's with the scarcity of blush blazers in size 2?  A large franchised store comes out with a new line of blush blazers and within a week all size 2s are sold out across the country? And you're not making any more? You've got to be kidding! 

Why Do People Leave Their Calendars Unattended?

Why do people allow "Calendar Gremlins" access to their calendars? Don't they know that these gremlins are involved in trickery? Calendar gremlins are the only explanation I can think of to account for meeting dates mysteriously being removed from one's calendar. I see someone put a meeting date on their calendar, I hear that same person agree to a date, yet when we talk about that same meeting date a few weeks later, the date has been removed and according to the other party, the meeting date never existed. That disturbs me! Did a gremlin get a hold of your phone, remove the meeting date, and wipe your memory?

Why Do People Do That To Babies?

Why do people put turbans on their babies? Have you seen those things? They make the babies look like old women! When those babies grow up they are going to be angry when they see  pictures of themselves in those horrible looking crocheted turbans with matching ugly dresses! Please don't do that to your baby! 

Why Do People Like Bad Things?

Why do people hit "Like" for things on Facebook that aren't likable? If your dog dies and you post it on Facebook, people should not hit "Like". That's like saying you like that the dog died. Or if someone posts a news article about a bad traffic accident and someone hits "Like", that's like saying that they like that there was an accident. I don't get it. Only say you like it if you really like it. 

Why Do People Look At Your Stuff?

Why do people that work as cashiers and baggers at grocery stores inspect and make comments about your purchases? Have you ever experienced this? I'm sure I can't be the only one. AND I've experienced this on more than one occasion. "Ah this looks yummy." (You think I'm gonna buy something that looks unappetizing?)  "I've never used this before. This looks handy".  (Yea, me neither. Now put it in the bag.)  What if you buy something personal?  Are they going to talk about that too?  "Hey Cindy! Check out these super extra absorbent tampons! - Do these work well for you?" Most people don't really like taking time out of their day to go to the grocery store anyway. The last thing they want to do is waste more time while some stranger makes comments about every single item in your cart. So annoying! 

Why Do People Act Shocked at 50?

Why do people have that disgusted look on their faces like they are shocked and appalled at the sex scenes in "50 Shades of Grey?"  Come on now, if you didn't think you were going to see sex in this movie, you are delusional. What did you think the movie was about? Grey cats? Old people? Coloring? Painting? If you read the book or even a few pages of the book you knew what it was about. If you didn't read the book, you surely saw previews for the movie. Did you go to the movie just so you could act disgusted? My advise is that if it bothered you, don't see the other two.

Why do people share Facebook pages with their spouse?

If you have a Facebook page, it should be yours and yours alone. You and your spouse are not one person. As your Facebook friend, if you share your page with your spouse, I am not going to wish you Happy Birthday. How do I know who's birthday it is? Twice a year your Facebook page will tell me it's your birthday. But is it really your birthday? It could be your husband's birthday. I will feel silly if I wish you Happy Birthday and it's really your husband's birthday. If I want to leave you a message, does your husband have to read it? Do you share a brain? I don't get it. 

Why do people hate Seinfeld?

I really like Seinfeld. It makes me laugh. I can watch every episode 4 times (I think I have) and still laugh. Obviously some people do like it. It's been on forever. It's like Andy Griffith. I think my grandchildren will watch Seinfeld. Just so you know, I don't have any grandchildren yet. That's how long I think Seinfeld will be on. My children don't like Seinfeld. Years ago when I would watch Seinfeld, every time my children would catch me watching it, they would say, "Why do you watch that? It's not even funny!"  I think it is funny. My daughter even mimics him. I just don't understand it.